waiting

...

WHILE I WAIT

I CAREFULLY FOLD,

UNFOLD,

THINK,

RETHINK

EVERY BIT OF MY LIFE FOR IT IS I,

THE HOLDER OF MY OWN DESTINY,

THE WRITER OF MY OWN BOOK

WHILE I WAIT,

I MAKE,

I WRITE

THE NEXT STEP IN MY LIFE

WHILE I WAIT

...

Vontade De Ser

Corre-me nas veias vontade de ser quem nunca deixei de ser.

Espreita-me alguem de dentro de mim

Fala-me de saudade,

Vaidades ...

Em mim nao mais tem espaco,

Razao de ser

Corre-me nas veias vontade de ser quem nunca deixei de ser

Sede de perder-me e outra vez encontar-te entre prosas e poesias
Beber,
Saciar-me de loucura
Existir sem nunca medir, pesar tudo aquilo que nunca poderei ser

Sonhar, em mim ja nao tem espaco,
Causa-me vertigens

Se deixar de ser quem sou, nao sei quem hei-de ser
O tempo, apartou-se de mim.

Serena,
Murmura uma voz bem dentro de mim

Fala-me de vontades,

Vaidades ...

Sei quem es’.
Sinto-te nas veias, vontade de ser.

Meu Lugar

E apesar de tudo, e' Natal.

Por momentos como este eu vivo,
Espero,

Anseio ( pelo teu olhar )

Em mim,
Em nos e' sempre Natal

Pois esse olhar que me devotas,
Comforta ...

... Traz-me paz

Apesar de tudo ...

E' o meu lugar.

this too shall pass

Today I woke up not much inspired, not much delighted by life charm's, sometimes it's just not easy to keep a smile on your face.

"This too shall pass" , I tell myself day after day nevertheless its hard to believe after considering how harsh it gets, yet again, no one ever alleged it was going to be painless.

For all of us, there's a call to create some sort of balance. Something not just to hang on but to rely on;other then ourselves.

I once had a "feel good journal" a place I would put pen to paper, draw, paint whatever good feelings came to my mind, and has hard it got I still had plenty!!!

I had pictures, dried flowers, " recortes de jornal ", my children's paints ... little things of beauty ...

.... every now and then I would bump into " notes " left by them when I was not watching, just about anything, it was a colorfull and peacefull breathing space, it always made me smile, made me appreciate and be glad about those petite things in life most of the time we're too busy to notice.

Today I woke up note much inspired, not one bit delighted by life " charm's " yet again, as night falls there's still something worth breathing for and being grateful for cuz in the end it's only one (life) we're blessed to live.

Today, I celebrate my joy, inspiration my drive... my pride ... I celebrate my children!

How hard can it be?!

I thought it was time I added a picture to my profile... But hey how hard can it be?!

Face 2 hours traffic everyday but after two years its not as hard anymore...
... just today someone bumped my car from the back (again), for no good reason but hey, it already had a side bump anyway. Guess this wont hurt and after all I managed to keep my cool...

After reading "I resign" thought I had it all figured out just to find out that the old cliche " Its easier said than done." is not so old after all and that there was still some law I din read about, still, I was able to stand my ground.

Just next to my building had a street lamp on fire 'cuz whoever was trying to fix it on the first place forgot to finish their job and after a frustrated attempt call the fire department decided that maybe it was better just to switch off the main power in the building and hey, why not spend another night under candle lights while some "kids" downstairs put off the fire with sand.

Funny but not funny.

... I kept my cool, besides the heat and mosquito’s that would most definitely appreciate a chance to again bite me during the night "everything else was OK"

Decided to sit and finish another "prosa" that had been playing over and over again on my head and I bumped into this not so bad picture of me.

"Why not?!"- I asked my self. "Let me give my postings a face..."

I tried, even with the mosquito’s getting the best out of me, I still tried. Went through it all, guidelines (!), step by step but each time I thought I was finally close to the end I failed.

How hard can it be?!!

“If you don't have a photo hosted somewhere already, you can first post a picture to your blog. Once you've done that…”

I went trough it all but realized it is not as easy as trading off a smile with the “candongueiros” during my not so safe everyday trip to work hoping to avoid another tattoo on my car. Not as hard as watching the street lamp on fire while wondering about these laws I still had to read.

Forget about having to listen mosquito’s the entire night on my ear and their so familiar "Zzz, Z, Zzz, z…”
Seriously, am not an insect killer or anything but I think that some 9 mosquitoes crossed over to their next life while I tried to updated a picture to my profile.

How hard can it be?!

Seeing is Believing

Time after time it gets tiring having to report robberies, burglaries to the police.
After being sent to the next police station cuz " ... madam, the officer to whom you could report this incident is not here at the moment perhaps you could return tomorrow afternoon or else drive up to the next police station, besides, its lunch time now..." it almost feels like we live under the pity of those who attach themselves to our monthly budget.

" ... yes, I heard too that going up that hill after 5pm is not the best of ideas one can have, the poor guy had a knife carved to his chest and he only had some 8 dollars on his pocket..."

Damn it!!!

We live under the pity of those who get no pity from anyone, "not even me".
Day after day the radio tells us bout the many JOES’s and JANE’s victims of the same hunger...

“He now wants to leave the country and leave everything behind..." cuz he just can't understand why he has to submit himself over and over again to a gun pointed to his head a gun pointed to his pride and yet, no one seems to care!"
Maybe 'cuz his life was spared, well, at least this time... ( WE DO CARE HONEY )

We can't live in fear yet fear never leaves us.

The JOE next door just couldnt wait for that next time (Yes, there is always a next time)and so he writes a letter to his unknown friend:

" Mr. Thief, I urge you to after robbing me again; you find ways of giving me back that which belongs to me! Buying it from the "legal" market is very costly and I know that I can get it from you at cheaper rate. I promise to be as discreet as one can be about this issue 'cuz truly, I would hate to be arrested for possession of a stolen good. I am sure of your understanding and I will wait to resolve this issue.

Note: Please don't steel this poster!!!"

Seeing is believing yet sometimes we wonder whether what we see it’s a product of our imagination.


Lenna Santos